Today you called me an angel. You cannot know how true that was, for last night I arrived just in time to loosen the noose around a dear friends neck..
Today you called me a devil, grotesque, a whore. I swallow the words inside me and push them as far down as they can go, I cannot deal with this now. The words you said will rest beneath the surface until I'm the right amount of broken for them to really make an effect.
Today I got a phone call, "your friend has been rushed to A&E, it appears he took an overdose." My heart freezes and my throat dries. How could this happen? He was so happy, so infectiously merry, I didn't know he was hiding this deep inside..
Today I held my uncles hand questioning why it happened so fast. Comatose and unable to tell me his last goodbye, I hope he hears my prayers. It came out of nowhere, a clot cut circulation to his brain.. he fell asleep the night before to never open his eyes again.
Today I told you how good a person you are and I would miss you if you left. That was enough to give you hope, when someone showed you just an ounce of care.
Today I stepped out of hell, 2 years in the pit with no escape. It felt so dark, so eternal. Now I've emerged I understand I had to go through that, I had things to learn in the hardest of ways and a future self that needed to be shaped, so that I could withstand the battles to come long from now.
Today I smiled at a stranger and saw their whole world brighten through a simple selfless act of kindness.
Today I really struggled, there's so much horror and dark in the world and nothing I do seems to count for anything.
Today I thank God for what I have. My life isn't perfect, and it's never a smooth breeze. But by His saving grace I'm carried, Thank God for His love for me.